If words could kill…

I would have been dead 3 times in the last two weeks.

You don’t need a knife to rip off somebody’s heart
You don’t need missiles to ruin someone’s life
You don’t need to think much to make someone feels like living in hell.

Don’t think because you just need words.
The harshest.
The cruelest.

[Image from: http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/2979197/2/istockphoto_2979197-x-ray-girl-with-broken-heart.jpg%5D

Scheduling that fits me

Have been thinking of what schedule algorithm would fit me to help me finish loads of tasks and deadlines. Me mother said yesterday that me have problems in focusing on what I’m doing. She said it’s better to focus on something for 5 minutes than doing many things altogether and end up with everything half-finished.

After taking a quick look to this book from the years of my graduate (master) study, I decide that FCFS (First Come First Served), SPN (Shorter Process Next), SRT (Shortest Remaining Time), HRRN (Highest Response Ratio Next) and FB (Feedback) algorithms wouldn’t fit me.

I choose RR (Round Robin) algorithm, with the time quantum slightly greater than the time required for typical interaction.

Let’s see if it works 😀

When too late is too late?

When action is taken after it reaches the saturation level.

Me have reached that level. Sorry, it’s too late.

[Image taken from http://www.idealdryweight.com/images/HM17.jpg%5D

Those little things, those little things

All I need is those little things
That might be overlooked by others
And seems unimportant by most people

I need someone to stare at
whenever I need support or approval
and in a single look
I would feel warm and protected

I need someone to tie my shoe laces
whenever my hands are full
so I would know that there is
someone who won’t let me tripped over the stairs

I need someone to rub my back
whenever I feel tensed and tired
just to make me sure
that there’s someone to back me up

I need someone that willing to hold my hand
lend me a shoulder
and ears to listen
so I would feel wanted and needed

I need someone
who shares same point of views
who appreciates those particular things
and laugh at jokes anybody else wouldn’t understand

I need someone
whose arms are ready to be around my waist
who knows when to kiss my hair gently
just to remind me that I’m a lady
that’s precious enough to be owned

I need someone
who’s willing to learn about me
and let me learn about him
can speak to me through mind, and songs
so our hearts are always connected thru thinking

All I want is those little things…

[Image taken from http://th01.deviantart.com/fs31/150/i/2008/227/4/3/Untied_Shoelaces_2_Converse_3_by_Lindorie_Chan.jpg%5D

My (late) resolution

My resolution for year 2009 is:

think before saying anything.

Because I learned that:

  1. The words people say would hurt other people and remains longer than anyone thinks it would be.
  2. We cannot take back the words have been blurted out. We cannot undone it, and for bad words, the detrimental effects is higher.
  3. Some things are better left unsaid.

These won’t keep me from speaking honestly and upfront but again, I will do think before say anything.

[Image taken from: http://farm1.static.flickr.com/184/438388465_dfb3e6197d.jpg?v=0%5D

Dead End, illusory!

From this book, p.93:

“Dead ends are illusory. When did you ever let a ‘Do Not Enter’ sign keep you away from anything? Go around the brick walls. When you can’t go around, climb over or dig under. Just don’t give up.

[Image taken from: http://www.pcatoons.com/det-dogfire.jpg%5D

New Year, New Inline Skates ;)

Hyaaaaa, during the end of the year until today we have bought 3 inline skates already 😀

The first one is for Fizhan, bought before he got circumcised. After he got better a few days later, he tried it and liked it so much. His sister borrowed the skates and she liked it so much too. She said she wanted to have one also.

We had planned to go ice skating today, and it was super fun, and we spent almost 3 hours in a row (we did have a 10 minutes break to eat some chocolate and drink some milk)! The kids didn’t want to go home, since this is the first time they went skating after almost 2 years ago (when Syahna was almost 4 years old and Fizhan was almost 3 years old!).

We decided to buy more inline skates after we’re finished skating. One for Syahna, and one for the mom 😀 So our family can spend more time skating at home 😀

Horaaaaaaaaay!!!

[The picture is the mom’s new inline skates. More photos is here]

New outlet for another personality

During the holiday I finally find a new thing to either distract me from finishing those tasks including doing the research, or to boost my productivity 😀

I think I still have one more personality that is going to emerge very soon. This personality loves music and now like it even more by keeping track of the music collection and playlists and statistics 🙂

After giving up using Facebook that I found too complicated and too crowded and overwhelming, I’m now so attached to this social networking tools for music lovers. The application is brilliant and it keeps me logged in for hours.

I also got too excited and tried to find scrobbler that might work on my mobile phone like Mobbler or last fm scrobbler, so I can grab the statistics of music I listen using my mobile phone, but on second thought, I’m happy enough with the scrobbler on my Mac because scrobbler on mobile will cost away too much because I have to connect to the site via mobile phone to update the stats.

Well, the holiday is so much fun because everytime I sit in front of my Mac to get some tasks done, I’m listening to the music using iTunes, and let the scrobbler work!

Philosophy craziness recap for this week

Early in the morning when the mom is going to take her bath…
Son (5 year old): “Mommy, I don’t understand this,” pointing on a book about human body, “why does this virus (HIV) does not die when the cell it infects dies? How do you get infected by the virus? How bad is the virus? How to cure people with AIDS?”

Mom answers the questions easily because she had already read the book, hi hi hi…

While the Mom in the shower…
Daughter (6 year old): “Mom, what do they call the less dangerous kind of cancer? What is cancer? Does it hurt?”

Again, still manageable for Mom to answer the questions 🙂

This afternoon, in the car, while the daughter fell asleep on the backseat…
Son: “Mom, why did God create me? I don’t won’t to be born because I don’t wanna die…”

Mom: [Oh no. Here we go again…] “You don’t have to think about death now. For good people, death is not that scarry. And God created you because He loves you, and wants to see you again in heaven.”

Son: “I don’t want to die. I want to be God.”

Mom: “You know you cannot be God, Sugar. God does not similar with any of His creatures. Besides, you wouldn’t like to be God anyway. Too busy and doesn’t have mommy and dad.”

Son: “I cannot be God… hmmm” [suddenly has a big smile on his face, started to laugh] “ha ha ha ha ha… hei… weird, so weird… really weird… WEIRD!!!”

Mom: [sensing something really weird is gonna come out from the kid’s mouth]”What, darling? What’s so weird?”

Son: “Who created God?

Mom: [praying that doing phd will help her to survive the role as a mother… learn faster! read more! dig deeper! think all the time! keep up with the kids!]

………………………………………………. [mom fainted for 5 minutes] ………………………………………….

Philosophical Thinking drives Mommy crazy


Son (5 years old): “Mommy, how come there are so many people on earth and in heaven and in hell? Why there are so many people who teach other people and who did teach the first teacher in the world? And when the whole teacher has gone to the heaven, who will teach the rest of humankind?”

Mom(old): [surprised and started to have a bit headache, frowning and thinking hard] “Yes, yes there so many people and so many other creatures that Allah creates.” Then she explained about Prophet Adam being the first human being on earth bringing the first knowledge. Blalalalglalalalllaaaa….
“That’s why one generation should teach the next generation, like I’m doing to you, so you’ll have to teach your children, and grandchildren so they can teach their offsprings as well…”

Son: “Why does God create so many people? And why did Prophet Adam being expelled from the Heaven? Why did God great the forbidden fruit if it is forbidden? And why did God create satan? Why does God create such bad and evil things? For what? Why didn’t Prophet Adam listened to Allah, why he didn’t obey Him? I don’t get it.”

Mom: [overwhelmed by the questions] “Because Allah wants to see who is really good and bad, and He wants to see if someone would pick the right choice or not, because everyone has the right to choose. Like you, you can choose to be a good or a bad boy, while you have the knowledge of being bad is not good, will you still listen to Mommy when she tell you something? That’s why Allah created Satan, to test every human.”

Daughter(6 years old): [wisely, surprised the Mom who didn’t notice that she is also listening] “To prove the obedience, Fizhan. The Satan wants us to accompany him to hell.”

Son: “Why does Allah needs the prove? And why does Satan wants to be accompanied in hell? I still don’t get it.”

Mom: [speechless and started to think how come she has such philosophical kids while the academic supervisor always tell Mommy that she’s lack of philosophical thinking in doing the phd research… sigh…]

[Image taken from: http://theimaginaryworld.com/comic120604.jpg%5D